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gwendoline59

gwendoline59 (18)

gwendoline59
I speak:
French
I learn:
English, Spanish, Italian, Russian
Busuu berries :
1798

Hi friends :-) I have already done the exercise of Busuu :p
I have an exercise for the school, can you correct me the mistakes, please?
" My name is Gwendoline. I'm going to speak about the motion: Students should be rewarded with money when they get very good results. First of all, students who work hard deserve an award. In fact, they pass their time on the homework instead of play. No matter how hard they worked, students will have better marks, so it can improve the level of the school. Moreover, with their good marks, they will be able to enter in all universities. Despite their lack of brave, they will try to do more efforts and for consequently they will have to work hard and there will be less delinquance. Enven if they have bad marks, they will persevere to have the money. Indeed, students need money because we are in a society of consommation. Finally, in my opinion, it's a good idea because students are motivated to have good marks. "
Thanks in advance and see you soon ! ;-) Gwendoline

Aa2011

Aa2011

Aa2011
I speak:
English
I learn:
French, Latin, Busuu
Busuu berries :
2861

Hi, friends! I have already done the Busuu exercise. I have an exercise for school; can you correct any mistakes, please? My name is Gwendoline. I'm going to speak about a motion:

Students should be rewarded with money when they get very good grades. First of all, students who work hard deserve an award. In fact, they spend their time on homework instead of play. If they work hard, students will have better marks, which can improve the school level. Moreover, with their good marks, they will be able to enter any university. Despite any lack of courage, they will make more effort and have to work hard; consequently, there will be less delinquency. Even if they have bad marks, they will persevere to obtain money. Indeed, students need money because we are in a society of consumerism. Finally, it's a good idea because students need motivation to achieve high marks.

Thanks in advance and see you soon ! ;-)

Gwendoline

Very good, Gwendoline!

rnewbury

rnewbury

rnewbury
I speak:
English, French
I learn:
English, Spanish, French, Italian
Busuu berries :
94404

" My name is Gwendoline. I'm going to speak about motivation:

Students should be rewarded with money when they get very good results. First of all, students who work hard deserve an award. In fact, they spend their time on their homework instead of play. When they study more, students will have better marks, which can improve the level of the school. Moreover, with their good marks, they will be able to enter any universities. Despite their lack of courage, they will give more effort and, consequently, they will have to work harder and there will be less delinquence. Even if they have bad marks, they will persevere to obtain the money. Indeed, students need money because we are in a society of consumers. Finally, in my opinion, it's a good idea because students are motivated to have good marks. "

Gwendoline, how much would you pay a student? 

I thought this was well done except for the middle section (highlighted in yellow).  The problem is how you started the sentence.  Perhaps this will work better:

Because of the motivation, they will make an effort and work harder, consequently, there will be less delinquency.

How have you been?  Are you ready for school to be over for the year?  Robert